Tuesday, 5 August 2014

11 men that women should avoid.



There is something very indefinable about men. They are equally confusing as they blame us to be. I am a 34 year old woman. I have had a fair share of crushes, infatuations, affairs until I found that man who loved to get irritated and irritate both at the same time. So, I feel I am experienced enough to tell all the young, single-hoping-to-mingle ladies the kind of men they should immediately say good bye to. Hope you enjoy reading it...


1. The Pontifical’s - They have a pompous air of infallibility. They are insolent, opinionated and dictatorial. Try arguing with them. You will almost feel sorry for people who have to bear with these jokers day-in and day-out. Their full of vain, puffed-up, overblown speech about how good they are or how right they are, rest are all wrong- are good enough a sign to start running for your life. I know girls they sound like a Mills and Boon hero but to be honest no one can have a happily-ever-after with these kinds of men.

2. The Vain- Imagine a man who spends more time in front of the mirror than you do. Who would look at every reflection of his beautiful face, the way we look at Hugh Jackman or Bradley Cooper. Who would carry a pocket comb and after every 15-20 minutes he would comb his hair. Even while driving, his side view mirrors and rear view mirrors are positioned strategically that he could look at his handsome face every second or may be third minute. All he talks about are hair gels, skin cream and how women go weak in the knees when they see him. I say run.... as fast as you can.

3. The Show-offs - Nobody likes showy people. These people look happy... who possesses gadgets or things that we could only desire but if you look closer they seem to be screaming "Did you notice me". So next time when you meet a man who is using his left hand more because he is wearing a Rolex watch or is fidgeting with his phone because he is carrying an I phone 5S or S5 whatever that is. Pity that man.

4. Tied to mommy's apron strings- I think it's nice to respect your mom. But If this man let's mommy make all decisions for him...ranging from which course he should take to what friends he should hang-out with to which colour under-wear he should wear....darling's he is definitely bad news. 

5. Miser Mister - I have a friend is who going out with a guy since last 3-4 years. She said this guy doesn’t believe in anniversaries, Valentine’s Day or even celebrating birthdays. Since they work in the same office (the guy is better placed than her) they have their lunch together. While footing the bill he insists on splitting it 50/50. Call me ol'fashioned but I feel once in a while footing the bill is pretty cool and even gentlemanly.

6. Knight in distress - If the man is scared of creepy animals and rodents it's pretty understandable. But scared to go alone after midnight or to check the door is definitely not manly. I know a person who screamed "Please take my wife" when his friends played a prank on him in a dimly lit lane... that too in front of his wife. We don't want that...do we???

7. Friend-crazy - This is the most difficult to put forth. Friends are very important. They are a healthy way to fill up the space in your relationships. But for few men friends are everything... they tend to fill the spaces with girl friends and wives, while major chunk of their lives and free time is still reserved for friends. 

8. Flirtatious - These are the men are mommies and daddies have been warning us about. They are like pied piper, they just have to whistle or look or even smile and we happily melt into their arms and follow them, trusting our lives in that care less hands. They have a unique gift of making you feel special. Very soon you will know he is flirty with every woman he meets. And the best part is he acts like it's no big deal. After learning that will you still feel special????

9. Clingy - Imagine a man who says "I miss you" every minute, who is all over your social network- almost liked every status and every pic you have posted , Will and you text messages at unearthly hours or will call u up at least 10-15 times in an hour. They might seem like a love-struck pup but do you remember Darr starring SRK and Juhi it's something like that. You definitely don't want to be in that mess.

10. The Over-critical - This species finds everything wrong with their partner. From the way their girl stands -the way they do their hair- to the way they talk- laugh. They just can't seem to stop comparing their women with 10 different women. Their favourite line would be "You know when my mum was your age..." "My mom makes amazing food" "Why can't you be more like XYZ..... or mum" Trust me you don't need these kind of men.

And lastly,

11. The Opposites- What I am about to say is my first hand experience. Before I start, I really want to know who came up with that crap "Opposites Attract" I really want to kill that man or a woman, whoever they are. Opposites do not attract...they repel. Imagine loving to socialize and your partner is a loner...hates crowd. He swooning over gazals all you love is those dhin chak bollywood songs. He loving fine-dining and you are a street food lover. He loves to watch CNBC and you are FRIENDS and big bang theory fan. Do I need to say more...?


Tuesday, 1 July 2014

Date with Diamonds :)




I usually stay away from Diets. The only carrots I am interested in are the number of carats in a Diamond. - Unknown

There are only two things in the world that can make the lazy ol' me get up and write, one of them is food and the other of course, every girl's best friend - Diamonds. Well the blogger meet #DateWithDiamonds on 21st June sponsored by @KamaJewellery was quite an experience. Not only did I learn a lot but also I got to try all that amazing earrings and necklaces and how can I forget to mention that beautiful bracelet.



We got to visit the factory and the way workers did their job - in a very meticulous fashion- was awe inspiring. To be honest I don't follow fashion and I am not even too fond of make-up, but Diamonds are something I am crazy about. I regularly visit shops in zaveri bazar, Hughes roads, Bandra and Andheri. There is one thing I noticed, the finishing of the jewellery lacked most. If you looked closely they looked pretty rough. But the jewellery in Kama was different. They looked beautiful even up-close. The reason is that every piece of jewellery goes through 8 levels of inspection. Only the best and most proper make it to the show-room.


So all in all I am pretty impressed with Kama's new jewellery line which has Asscher, Cushion and Emerald cut diamonds. 

The fun part is we were asked to name this new line. God, I feel really important all of a sudden. Jokes apart, it was really difficult and finally I zeroed on Gentil Mystique. Everyone, whoever is reading this blog must be wondering why? Well because the jewellery looked really gentle, they weren't loud and vulgar like most jewellery we see in the market and when I wore it and saw myself in the mirror it gave me a look of a mysteriously glamorous female who I would like to know (I know I am blowing my own trumpet. But this is my blog and I am the queen). 






Hope someday I get to buy the necklace I am wearing in the picture. For the earring, I am already pushing my husband to buy me that ;)



The above post is written for the #DateWithDiamonds contest powered by @KamaJewellery

Wednesday, 4 June 2014

10 types of house-guest. :D














In last one year all I have done is receive, attend and see off guests.... one of the many duties of a house wife. I would be lying if I said i enjoyed every minute of it and it would be too wrong if I said I hated it. Some were good, some were funny, some were disagreeable and few were down right vicious. So ladies and gentleman today I come up with 10 types of guests I had the (dis)pleasure of knowing:-

First, Pompous A**es : I feel as if they are so in love with their voices that they simply can't shut up. They keep on going about themselves. If they have nothing to boast about themselves, they'll talk about their husband... their kids. If they run out of that... their distant relatives (not the one from your side of the family) and their dogs get few words dedicated to them. *** Oh look at my dog/husband/child do that... aren't they adorable? ***

Second, Mr/Mrs BBC: I personally enjoy their company the most (okay I never said I did not enjoy good gossip so stop raising your eyebrows). They know about all hot gossips be it about family, nation or Bollywood. The way they present the news... no matter even if you have heard it....it still seems exclusive. These people have all my attention 

Third, the Cry-babies: They look and feel miserable 24*7 and they are very capable of making you look and feel the same. They are so engulfed in self-pity and they feel that everyone is taking advantage of them... that u almost want UN intervention in their lives to save them and save you from the torture. They could cry about almost anything ranging from in-laws - kids - husbands - congress (What they have done to our country boo hoo hoo) - global warming. Gimme a BREAK.

Fourth, The Slimy Sloth: - Try living with a guest who has never heard about personal hygiene... flaunts when they fart and picks their nose and throw their pickings anywhere they want. After seeing such things you will be afraid, very afraid to go the toilet to see what awaits you there. Your white pillows would have oil stains on them. They would insist on wearing their shoes all around the house and your house looks like a big dustbin. 

Fifth, The Bumptious: Look at them and you'll know - all their life they have been made to believe that they are the center of the universe.... the world revolves around them. If they visit you, they have done a huge favour. They'll choose the room they want to sleep in. The host/ hostess without second thought are shifted to the guest room. They want your pet to be tied up at all times. You are their tourist guide, baby sitter, cook, and helper and still they'll happily nag how bored they are. 

Sixth, The Swollen heads: - It’s not that they are bad but they are obliged to pretend that they are good. These suffer from superiority complex which borders on being hurtful and even rude. They feel your house is not clean enough. You have the tiniest kitchen ....ill-mannered children. With them around u... u feels perennially poverty stricken. And start feeling downright loser. They have a moral duty to pass judgements and advice people where they are going wrong irrespective of the fact the receiver wants the advice or not.

Seventh, The Over-Helpers:- No matter how well intentioned - this can be a little annoying. They look guiltily at you if they see you in kitchen; they’ll make sure they hover around you all the time. If they find nothing to do they start cleaning utensils. In spite of reminding them thousand times that you have a maid and they should sit and relax. They are so guilt ridden that they would clean, cook and sometimes in wash. 

Eighth, The Inquisitives: - I have a feeling if we could place them in RAW or even CBI they will be of immense help. They love questioning; they'll keep scooping about your life, life of your relatives and sometimes even neighbours. If you sit with them over a cup of tea... you'll get the feeling of being in a CBI cell and getting interrogated by the pros. In extreme cases they'll even open your wardrobe, your drawers, your freezer and start interrogating about the contents. ***Help me lord***

Ninth, The Kleptomaniacs :- As a host, I think my most important duty is to make sure that the guests do not leave behind things that are theirs and they do not take things that are mine. I know someone who has fascination for watches. Couple of times my watches mysteriously disappeared, her guilty looking husband would always find it.... sometimes lying around and sometimes under the bed (I can't even put my fing.s under the bed....a watch slipping in is very hard to believe).

And

Finally, The tenth The Indefectible guests: - The award for the best guests goes to people who bring gifts. Just joking*, I think anybody who's willing to help without suffocating the host. Who knows what to say and what not to and even realizes when to mind his/her own business. He/ she do not mind taking the pet for a stroll or taking care of the kid, because the host is busy in the kitchen. They are a perfect guest. I always make sure I invite them. 






P.S. ****** I wasn't really joking about the gifts..... :D******


Friday, 7 March 2014

Hospital Diaries 1.






"He's standing on a line between giving up and seeing how much he can take "


Patient 1 

When you see him lying on the bed, he looks amazingly fine... and very handsome. You will see him, noticing every move you make. Then he would raise his hand to acknowledge your presence. You can't help but wonder why is he here in ICU? 

After a bit of snooping I came to know, he is a paralysed patient. The left side of his body was paralysed in April, 2001.   He was some ex hot shot working in a nationalised bank. The day he was announced as the ED of that bank, he suffered a paralytic attack. 

He is back in the hospital because he again suffered a stroke but this time it was a brain stroke, which affected his throat. This meant he couldn't swallow or speak. 

I tried to strike a casual conversation with his wife. It was then she told me that all his life he loved food...good food, and now he would never be able to taste anything. He would be restricted to liquid diet for the rest of his life. I looked at him and he, like always was noticing me. I smiled (trying desperately not to look sympathetic) and he raised his hand to acknowledge my smile.

This message is into the void (as I am not too sure... if anybody is reading it). When you meet patients like the above all of a sudden you start questioning if god is really around and watching over us. This man is keeping a brave face but for how long?? God are you listening??? God are you watching??? God are you even there???


Monday, 27 January 2014

Just Confused



I stand on the cross roads
holding your hand
Both of us clueless
It's hard to understand

As we pass this point
it will be hard to go back
what if I disappoint?
what if there is something you lack? 

It's a point of no return
It's bidding farewell 
to our carefree life
and a places where we dwell.

I am scared of losing you
ruining what we shared
may be I am just feeling blue
may be I am not really scared.......
-
-
-
-
     May be I am just confused



( something that I wrote just a week before my marriage....... sheer case of cold feet..lol)

Monday, 23 December 2013

Is it love or dove :)




Note to Dove

I am usually too lazy to participate in contests. My blog can barely boast of 4 contests I had ever participated in. But when Dove's Guessing Game with my Friend came up I knew that I really wanted to be a part of it. Why? Actually because of two reasons:-

Firstly, because I think it's my way of saying thank you...for nurturing and taking good care of my skin. I have been using it since last 13 years, not even once I thought of using any other brand.

Lastly, it always came to my rescue whenever the experiments (new foundation, new face pack) back fired. Thank you again...Dove.
                               
                                                               ****

Having a sister is like having a best friend, who would never leave you no matter what and no matter how much you want. She is a friend who has your back, when it comes to facing or declaring war against the world ( which was pretty rare) but at the same time would happily wring your neck if you are seen wearing her favorite pair of stilettos.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I have three of them. In short, I have three best friends. 

When it came to experiments my younger sister and I were more of an experimented-on than experimenters. My eldest sister would cut our hair (I don't even know how did I manage to go to school with hair looking like that)... my second elder one would experiment our faces with innovative homemade face packs from dried orange peel to lots of rotten fruits (that’s how the pack smelled like) mixed in a mixer-grinder to the most hair raising of all.. neem-multani mitti-sandal wood powder-rose water pack.

It was February 2000; I had a farewell party coming up in a week's time
. Like everyone I was very excited about the party. Honestly, I was hoping against hope that I would somehow get college's super-hero's attention. I had carefully decided my saree, stilettos (borrowed, ofcourse) to go with it. My elder sister came up with a brilliant idea that I should apply a face-pack that would bring a glow to my face (my parents weren't very keen on us going to parlors or even apply nail polishes). I was skeptical initially, but my desperation to look good was far greater, so I agreed.

My sister carefully applied the pack on my face. Initially my skin felt cool and then it gradually started burning. I told my sister that it was burning but my sister rubbished my concern and said "It's not burning, it is working" burning stopped but it started to itch. I didn't wait any longer I rushed to the bathroom and washed my face thoroughly. After I was done, my eyes fell on the mirror and my face was staring back at me. I had red, itchy patches all over my face. I couldn't help but cry. How was I supposed to go to the party looking like this? 

There was panic written all over my sister's face. I knew what she was thinking. She knew I would kill her today and make her come back to life and kill her again. With all her might she said “Apply ice, trust me it's no big deal"

"Are you crazy? I look like a monkey. You screwed up my life. I will never have a boy friend now. Every guy in the school will make fun of me. It is just because of you." I felt even more miserable after shouting at her. But I was in no mood to listen. I kept applying ice and crying all at the same time.

By next morning, with redness came flaky, peeling, dry skin. My mom gave me a cold cream to use. It was comforting but I looked really horrible.

Only two days to go and my skin were peeling endless. Itching had stopped but my skin became really dry. It was then while watching Aahat (a horror show on Sony) my sister saw Dove bar's advertisement that 1/4th of dove was moisturizer.



  

I was way too sad to notice anything. At that point of time I felt as if my perfect world has crumbled (Okay, I was a kind of drama-queen in college). My sister bought that soap. At that point of time it was one of the most expensive soaps available in the market and our pocket money wasn't that great. 

My sister didn't say anything to me. She just kept the soap on my bed. "I don't want to use anything given by you anymore."I screamed and threw the soap. 

"Just wash your face with this soap for next two days." ...and she left.

I did as she said; I guess I am way too programmed to follow my sisters blindly. 

8th of Feb was our farewell party and my skin felt amazing. My sister helped me get ready and I did get the school's heart throb's attention, but that's a different story that once he opened his mouth and said "Dude, you look really good". I, immediately knew he wasn't type. How dare he called me Dude; I am a Lady. But what the heck I had a time of my life.

Like expected all my friends said "You are glowing, is it love or dove?" I just smiled and I knew I just got my fourth best friend. ;)    














The above post is written for the Guessing game with my Friend contest powered by Dove and Indiblogger

Friday, 8 November 2013

My Platinum Day of Love

Aren't arranged marriages just beautiful? Your parents happily propose a boy on your behalf and all you have to do is to look pretty and pretend that all that is laid on the table was made by you. Vikas and I had an arranged marriage. The first month of our marriage was all about holiday (I hate the word honeymoon) awkward moments, talking softly and putting our best foot forward.


Soon after the holidays we shifted in our new house. My life seemed to have started fresh altogether. Not only marriage and my husband were new to me but also the city and its people (I am from Kolkata and Vikas worked in Mumbai). People in Mumbai are very detached; most of them had no idea about the residents of their building. Kolkata was very different, we even knew our neighbors' relatives. Mumbai was fast Kolkata's slow pace had its own charm. I really missed being in Kolkata especially road side food ghugni & puchke (Gol Gappe). Vikas would always take me to those fine dining restaurants where we would have that typical old boring food. Frankly, if we were to look at same north Indian menu every time we eat out, what’s wrong with home cooked food?

My life had changed drastically. It felt like from being a careless lad, I was made to sit on the King's throne and take charge of the kingdom. I remember Spider-Man's uncle once said 'With great power comes great responsibility'. My biggest responsibility was decorating this new match box sized apartment, finding maids, running errands and making this house look like a home. It all seemed way too easy. After all I am a woman, decorating and setting a household is practically in my chromosomes. All women do it with such aplomb.
 
Vikas coming from an extremely male-dominated Jain society was hardly of any help. He would throw his socks around, never keep his shoes inside the cabinet and would throw his wet towel on the bed each morning. But I was determined to become a good homemaker.

As soon as I started unpacking the gifts we had received i.e after 6 crystal Ganeshas, two hot plates, three DVD players, 5-6 vases and countless silver wares, I realized none of them were of any use to me. Yay, that meant I had to go shopping.
 
I bought a lot of paintings, crystal showpieces and my major chunk of money went into crockery that was supposedly original China. As a kid, I always dreamt of eating on fine china plates and drinking from the finest crystal glasses.

After I was done rearranging my things and making my home livable, I decided to give it a final touch. I started stacking the china plates and other crockery pieces in the kitchen rack that seemed sturdy enough to hold the weight.

 After I was done with my work, I decided to take a shower. I felt fresh, got dressed tastefully and topped it up with some evening make up. I finally felt like the queen of the house. I was proud of myself. I really wanted Vikas to feel the same about me. I switched on every single light and the very next second, the doorbell rang. I ran and opened the door.

Vikas entered and as always he threw his socks and his shoes near the entrance, before I could protest the entire house shook with a loud crashing sound. I could hear the glass plates crashing on the floor and breaking into pieces. I rushed to the kitchen only to find all my hard work lying broken all over the floor. Something shattered within me. I thought of myself as one awful wife; a good for nothing housewife.  I bent down and picked one of those broken plates and started crying uncontrollably. Vikas who was standing behind me stood speechless. I knew he was going to shout at me. I have ruined my chances of ever being taken seriously. I am going to be nothing but one goofy wife whose husband pokes fun at her in front of his friends. With that thought I started crying even more. Vikas finally asked "What happened, why you are crying?"


"Can't you see what happened?" I pointed towards the plates and tears started rolling again.

"They are just some stupid plates. We'll buy new ones. Why are you crying for this?" Vikas looked really confused.

"Can't you see it's not working out? You don't help at all. You throw your shoes and socks all over the place. You put your soiled towel on the bed. And now you shut the door so hard that the entire kitchen rack came down (I knew it was not his fault, it was mine, I should have known the rack won't be able to take that much weight.)." I kept crying and blabbering. Finally, Vikas sat next to me and hugged me hard.
“Okay, I am guilty about the socks, shoes and towel. But how can you blame me for the rack. That’s not my fault.” He spoke in his defense.

I was not in the mood to listen to him “It’s your fault.” I said as a matter of fact.

“No it’s not”, he sounded amused than angry.

“Yes it is,” Of course it was his fault. As soon as he entered, the kitchen rack fell. “Why are you smiling?” I was confused.

"Can you see the silver lining? We are finally talking. It was suffocating that we hardly talked and we had to think zillion times before we spoke. Now we can finally be ourselves. I am actually glad this damn thing broke. Now we sound like a normal happy couple."

"From which angle do YOU sound normal and WE sound happy?" I looked at him confused.

"Oh trust me, I love it. As for the socks, shoes and towel, I promise I won't do it ever again. But the rack was not my fault” Before I could protest, he gave a slight peck on my lips.

"Let’s just leave these here and go out for a dinner. Tomorrow I will take a day off and we'll see what we can do about the kitchen. The rest of the house looks awesome.".....and he looked at me earnestly. For the first time I realized he had beautiful green eyes. I was not really an expert on love but all of sudden I was brimming with it. I knew the man I hated just a few minutes ago was the only man I would like to spend my life with and grow old with.

I smiled and said "Sounds great. But this time I don't want to go to a restaurant. Can we go to Juhu beach instead?"

Vikas smiled and nodded.

                                     *******

This is one of those rare moments which needs to be celebrated because it is pure and eternal. It is devoid of all the extravagance and superficial romance. This memory would always be a part of our lives, even after either one of us is gone. What better than celebrating it with Platinum which is equally rare, pure and eternal?

Thus it is our platinum day of love. A platinum day of love need not be planned and extravagant. It’s that day when the realization sets in that he/she is the one. This moment was truly special because the magical transformation from arranged marriage where we were tied to each other by our family strings broke and gave way to love marriage wherein we truly wanted to be together. We've had zillions of romantic moments afterwards but that day and that time is going to be etched in our minds forever because that was the day we finally fell in love.





The above post is written for the Platinum day of love contest powered by Platinum and Indiblogger