"He's standing on a line between giving up and seeing how much he can take "
When you see him lying on the bed, he looks amazingly fine... and very handsome. You will see him, noticing every move you make. Then he would raise his hand to acknowledge your presence. You can't help but wonder why is he here in ICU?
After a bit of snooping I came to know, he is a paralysed patient. The left side of his body was paralysed in April, 2001. He was some ex hot shot working in a nationalised bank. The day he was announced as the ED of that bank, he suffered a paralytic attack.
He is back in the hospital because he again suffered a stroke but this time it was a brain stroke, which affected his throat. This meant he couldn't swallow or speak.
I tried to strike a casual conversation with his wife. It was then she told me that all his life he loved food...good food, and now he would never be able to taste anything. He would be restricted to liquid diet for the rest of his life. I looked at him and he, like always was noticing me. I smiled (trying desperately not to look sympathetic) and he raised his hand to acknowledge my smile.
This message is into the void (as I am not too sure... if anybody is reading it). When you meet patients like the above all of a sudden you start questioning if god is really around and watching over us. This man is keeping a brave face but for how long?? God are you listening??? God are you watching??? God are you even there???